HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Can I just say WOO FRICKIN HOOO! This year is finally on the way out!

Dacia, Jason and I pre-rang in the New Year last night at our friend's house. Can you say MARTINI PARTY?? OMG.. we had SOOOOOO MUCH FUN! Pictures to come soon! There was lotsa food, WAYYY too much alchohol, lotsa martini's flavors.. total FUN times.. we even had a puker (not one of US of course)!!

So, here Dacia and I sit, still recovering slightly from our night out.. well.. we officially got home at 4am.. so.. early morning I spose.. and we have all the necessary tools to bring in the New Year in style!!

Be SAFE!!

Shawni

Hmm.. time flies

when the holidays are upon us yeah? It has been WAY too long, but this past month has flown by. Little bit of shopping, whole lotta crafting, teaching classes, making Christmas cards (umm like 200), wrapping, baking, cooking, spending time with friends, the whole shabang. Tonight is the official EXHALE. The kids are at Papa's for the night... the mess will get cleaned up tomorrow (and not by ME - SWEET), the shopping is over and right now it is time to chill.

I started out saying this year was going to be powerful. Powerful it was. I wasn't anticipating the Hurricane Katrina powerful that it has shown itself to be.. but ok.. we are all dealing with that in our own ways. Now we need to move on. I honestly should have known it could be disasterous. After all, 10 years ago THIS year I got married (good), my mom died, my step-dad went to jail, my real dad sent him there, I almost had to get a restraining order against said dad... the list goes on. Maybe I should be wary in 2016.... lol

2007 WILL BE OUR YEAR. Let's ring it in with style... get effin on with the show.

NIN

Wow... it is amazing what a song can bring back. Once again reminiscing...

I used to go dancing at a place in Downtown SD called Soma. It was all dark inside and we liked it that way. I got all hoochied up with my big hair, dark makeup, short tight skirts and Doc's. We would usually get REALLY drunk in the parking lot before we went in. We would dance and sweat, dance and sweat, dance and drink, drink and dance.

It was so much fun.

In between the dancing, drinking and sweating, we would venture downstairs to listen to the live bands play. I recall watching a band where the lead singer/guitarist was nude under his guitar. Yep.. nude. I saw so many great bands there... local bands that went on to become something more.

I was 16 and 17 at the time.

Afterwards, we would head into HillCrest and have coffee at Soho. We would sit and laugh and talk and enjoy the time together. We all took rocks and wrote Soho in red nailpolish on them. I still have mine.

When we weren't going out to dance and have coffee, we stayed at one of the other girl's apartments for the night. We watched movies, drank, danced, had fun, and crashed all together on the floor. We held hands and kissed as friends. We were happy. It was a necessary escape for me from my dreadful existance at home. Thank everything that is holy that my mom was too wrapped up in her own bullshit to pay attention to what I was doing.

All of that changed eventually. My friends weren't satisfied with drinking and started trying other things. I never knew. They got into crystal, X, acid and went to raves and partied way harder than I was willing to do. I pulled away from them. I was depressed. Alienated. Alone once again. Back to being in the middle of my mom's bullshit. I met Jason right in the middle of all of that. Thank everything that is holy once again.

One of my long lost friends found me on MySpace. His wife is having a baby this month. I couldn't be happier for them. I love listening to this music as it is such a reminder of the fun times I had when I was younger. Rock on peeps...

Another day, another dollar...

Welp, so far so decent. Hub's new job is going well so far. He is at a seminar today to get his Notary. Kiddo #1 and I are off to Sacramento to visit my family for a week. I am so excited. Today is her bday and we are taking her first plane ride, where all of the family will be waiting for a surprise bday party and she has NO IDEA AT ALL. She knows we are going "somewhere". We leave in 20 minutes! Am I good or am I good???

Things have been turning up here. Not feeling so desperate right now. Bills are getting paid (well.. not all by us.. lol)... and in general we are feeling a bit more relaxed. Thank gawd.

Hugz peeps... I will be back in a week!

New Job...

He started at the new position this week. Good news and bad news situation. Bad news is that well, we already established that it doesn't pay for squat, and.. he is back in a uniform and EVERYONE keeps asking him why... Good news.. his bosses really want him to succeed and have told him they anticipate him doing so quickly. They are happy to have him and he is happy to be there. It also looks like he will be training on day shift and possibly ending up on a swing shift. That would be awesome! He would be able to do something else on the side as well as seeing us occasionally.. and most importantly, our life wouldn't revolve around his sleeping schedule!

In other news... hub's mom tried to commit suicide.

Oh yeah... you would think we could get 5 flipping minutes to take a breath and adjust to our existing situation (which still isn't stable) before another major event happens. Not in this family baby.. oh nooo.

She is Bi-Polar and says she now has nothing to hold onto after losing custody of hub's nephew. He is now in foster care undergoing the counseling he has SO long needed, and being made sure he sees his parole officer on a regular basis. She doesn't qualify for welfare without him. I am POSITIVE there are programs out there to help her, yet once again she has turned on the pity party to my brother-in-law saying that no-one loves her... she has given up.. if we all could just send her some money.. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want her to DIE.. but this is a woman who has lived a cycle of independence/drugs/depression/needing to be rescued.. for 20+ years!! At some point you have to take the initiative to take care of yourself right?? And don't think I am blaming her for her illnesses.. but I do believe you can make a conscious decision to NOT use drugs.. which triggers your depression and sends you into a downward spiral.

We took her in when NO-ONE else could or would.. for a year and a half.. and not just her, but hub's abused/issue ridden nephew too! What was the result you might ask?? She came to us half dead, hooked on methadone.. and within 2 weeks was cleaned up and off of it, in a drug re-hab program and functioning as an adult. Which sounds great until we started finding her passed out in the front room, empty bottles of pills here and there... fighting all the time with us... crashing her car, etc etc. My family suffered. My child had to be in counseling and on anti-depressants for a year after they moved out... and nephew went on to molest one of his young cousins!

I have chosen to give up responsibility for this one. I decided last time to bring her here. Not gonna happen. We don't have any funds to send her.. which wouldn't help her anyway as she would blow it on pills. We can't do much about this other than offer suggestions as to her next course of action.. which I think should be a live-in drug or mental program.

So yeah.. that was my yesterday.. LOL... in good news... QK came in and I can't wait to see it! LMAO

See ya!

It's been 3 weeks...

And while it hasn't been fun, this past week we came to terms with what was going on and were able to formulate plan B. Former employer was officially going to cut him loose this week, but he had one last department to interview for. We had decided to interview with a few other companies and in the meantime all 3 of us decided we would take a Notary Public class to be able to do that. The interview with former employer (new department) was yesterday. The result was good. He got the job.

Now while I am sure most of you are thinking.. oh thank GAWD cuz that was scary... well it still is. He will actually be making about $20 LESS an hour than his former job. That means as of right now, we will ONLY be able to afford our mortgage with his pay. Within his pay we will also have continued health insurance, which was a big concern of mine.. you know, having 2 small children and all. Nothing else will be covered. Which accounts for quite a bit actually. Car insurance, gas & electric, water & trash, cable utilities, cell phones & rv payment. Oh yeah.. did I forget to mention FOOD? Yeah.. well that too. Oh and the holidays... and that pesky property tax which is so lovely in California. Of course we have already cut back on a lot of things.. no going out, no pointless Target trips, but our kids are still growing and winter (however warm it may be compared to most) is right around the corner.. which means jackets and jeans and sweatshirts...

Now I know I may sound bitter, and honestly, I am. I am frusterated that his past 13 years of employment have come down to this. Him practically BEGGING for a job, one that is front line, just so he can get off of Unemployment (which pays diddly squat), keep health insurance for his family and contribute to keeping our household alive and well. 9 years in management and every single place he interviewed for said they wanted him to start at the bottom. It's crap I tell ya. CRAP.

So now... what to do from here? They do have supervisor positions available in this new department, they DO want him in there. They want to train him so that he is aware of their policies and procedures (understandable) and they have said after that, it is up to him to move up. Basically depending on how fast he catches on and proves he can do it, then they will move him upwards. They do want to fast track him and they haven't put a time frame on it. That part is good. Now I go back to worrying whether or not he will make sufficient effort to have it happen sooner rather than later. I don't want to be the naggy bitch wife who is constantly harping.. but I also don't want to be the horrible stressed out wife who is constantly worrying how we are going to pay these other bills. Here is the hard part for me. Because now I have lost trust in him. While I completely feel that he was fired for bull crapola reasons, that for whatever reason they just didn't want him there and they found completely lame reasons to justify firing him.. I still worry that there were things he could have done better... efforts he could have made to prevent this... etc. The controlling part of me does NOT have an easy time with this. AT ALL.

So anyway.. this is a step in the right direction. I still have an eye twitch, I am still having trouble sleeping, and now I am worried that they will give him a graveyard position once again, which will mean that he won't have the energy to do ANYTHING outside of this job. Which honestly, he needs to do. I don't want to live off of father-in-law for the rest of my damn life.

Ok.. bitter post today with a highlight of somewhat good news... hugz

This blog has become horribly depressing...

but I am sure you are thinking.. HEY.. no news is good news right?

NO

WRONG

He didn't get the job. We don't know why, we are waiting on an email.

He DOES have a 2nd interview with the people he interviewed with in the first place. Not sure when or what that will yield, but at this point, anything is a bonus.

Unemployment kicks in this week, but sadly, it is MINISCULE compared to what he was making. You know how everyone talks about %'s when it comes to unemployment/disability? WELL, apparently there is a MAX salary amount they base it off of, and he was WAY over that. So we are getting about 45% of what he was making BEFORE they take the taxes out. EACH MONTH. Woopedy do. That will cover.. oh... the mortgage? And pretty much food. And that's it. So all of the utilites need to get covered somehow or the other. Hmmm. Looks like I may be picking up more days at the store and possibly looking for a job. I guess we will see.

Good news is that we sign our loan papers tomorrow, so that will relieve some stress.

Did I mention that amidst all of this mess I have a HUGE trade show in less than 2 weeks? AND, the city decided to partially close off access to the street my store is on, and the businesses are suffering BADLY for it? I am finally starting to pick up after a slow summer but have no idea how this will affect me... ugh

OK, enough whining, I am off to work. Have a day.

Another week has gone by....

And we are still playing the "hurry up and wait" game. We are waiting to hear back from the company he interviewed with last week. They said they would contact him this week. It is Wed. Am I an idiot to hope they would have called on Monday? I hate waiting. I am NO good at it.

In other news... my birthday was good. My fabulous friends joined me for the movie Last Kiss and we had lots of Almond champagne and laughed and talked. My friend put it all together for me. She rocks. Love her to pieces. She just got a NEW job... and I am SO TOTALLY excited for her and hoping some of that NEW JOB mojo spreads this way!

Have a fabu day..

So.. it's been another week..

Time is running out. I am trying to remain calm. There is a pretty significant interview tonight and then I am sure more waiting. I hate waiting.

As a friend of mine said, My bills aren't flexible, why should my salary be?

Deep breathing is of the essence. Had yet another bad morning. Was awake half the night trying to stategize our next move. Had to trick myself to get back to sleep. Woke this morning and both of us were full of energy and fire and became very pro-active together. Unfortunately all I can do is talk.. I can't be the ONE to DO anything. I didn't lose my job. I am not the one who deserves answers. I can't be the one to demand them. I HATE THAT.

Control issue much? If this were any other thing, I probably wouldn't get so worked up.. but jesus h christ... he has a FAMILY to take care of and they don't give a SHIT that he has been an EXCELLENT employee for 13 years! Why didn't they offer him the option of something else? Why the fricking FINALITY? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Sorry.. ugh

This past week...

Has been a testimate to my sanity.

Has it been easy? NO.

Has it been enjoyable? NO.

BUT, it has been a lesson, one in which I won't soon forget. We have survived through this past week with very little food or sleep, very little energy and very little comfort in our future, but things are finally starting to come together. Resumes have been submitted, interviews are scheduled, bills are being consolidated and we are finally able to catch our breath a bit.

Thanks for letting me vent... if anyone is listening, I appreciate you. HUGZ

Trying to stay positive...

The main bread winner in the family has just been given 2 weeks to find another position.

(me breathing deeply)

The main bread winner just called to say the next best thing is over 20k less a year.

(use those child birthing techniques)

The main bread winner is sad, hurt and confused as to how this could have happened after 13 years at the same company and just as many GOOD reviews.

(blowing my nose)

The main organizer of the house is currently in freak out mode, please check back later to see if she has pulled herself together yet.

And so we welcome Wednesday to this week.

Constantly amazed..

How certain songs or movies or books can affect me so.

I am absolutely SCARED about what JK Rowling will do with the final Harry Potter. I am a sucker for a happy ending and I am totally unsure if she will go that way.

I was thrilled to DEATH with the way Stephen King ended the Dark Tower series.. it gave me hope and helped me realize to take opportunities and have no regrets.

I LOVE Zach Braff and his amazing ending to Garden State.. when during the movie, Jason and I were holding hands and were so afraid that the plane would crash and he would die and that is how it would end. The reality was SO MUCH BETTER.

When I want a movie that will make me cry and laugh and be totally satisfied at the end, I pick either Garden State, Notting Hill or Sense & Sensibility. In that order.

Our family has a LOVE of Hayao Miyazaki's movies and Howl's Moving Castle makes me cry just to think about it! Always a message of love and acceptance.. always comforting at the end.

Zach Braff just added me as a friend to his MySpace account and I wanted to SCREAM! He has about 18000 friends but hey, he took the time to add me and that made me happy. Not to mention, that man has AMAZING taste in music.. the song on his MySpace page is by Imogen Heap, called Hide & Seek. Fricking AMAZING. I actually heard it MONTHS ago on Star94.1.. she does everything in this song completely accapella, and her tone is the kind that gives you goosebumps. They used it to choreagraph a dance on So You Think You Can Dance and I forgot to look and see who the musician was... now I know. I have a feeling that Last Kiss is going to be another movie I can't live without.

Ok.. so maybe it is almost that time of the month... I dunno but I am so damn emotional lately! I want to cry and laugh and do all of it at the same time.. weird.. Much Love.. S

Do ya ever..

Just sit back and think about High School? Maybe one time in particular where you were just CRAZY?

I was doing that the other day. I realized that as a parent now, I would FREAK OUT if I found out my teenager was doing some of the things I did. Not that I was a bad kid, because as kids go.. I was a good one. But there were some times where we just did STOOPID things!

For instance.... A girlfriend and I were driving around the local movie theatre one night and we saw some cute boys in a car.. we followed them.. chased them around the parking lot.. got them to pull over and then went to their house for a party! OMG... They were hotties.. and we DID have fun.. but still!!

Now it makes me think.. what kind of parent do I want to be when my kids are teens? I obviously won't be like MY parents, who were so doped up and into themselves that they didn't CARE what we did.. but I also don't want to hold the reins too tight because then they will lose respect for us and rebel. No rebellions please.

Anyway.. just an unrelated rambling for today. Just sit back for a minute and think about the FUN you had in High School/College. Not the crappy times, cuz there were PLENTY of those.. but a FUN time.. a CRAZY time....

S

Campin'

So yeah, we are camping right now. Of course, SOME would say we aren't camping at all.. since we have an RV.. but it is CAMPING to us! Well, I DO have my laptop and I AM skimming wi-fi access off of someone.. but still... we are all living in a 24 foot space together... LOL... we have a BBQ, bikes, swimsuits, folding chairs and BEER... now THAT is the way to camp.

In other news, we will soon be purchasing a home protection devise... AKA - GUN. The one Jason likes is a .45 1911 Kimber. I like the stainless steel with mother-of-pearl grips. hehe

Anyway... That's all for me, I will post pictures of Jason's new tattoo when we get back!
S

Another day....

Today I was all kinds of grown up... I got up at 5am, got ready and was out of here by 5:45am and on the road by 6am. Drove to Long Beach (no traffic WOO HOO) for my rep Monika Thomas' customer day. It was so much fun! Make n Take tables, teacher taught classes and of course, the 1 hour class with Ms. Kelly Pannachi herself!

So many cute projects and hanging out with fellow store owners!

Next year Jason wants to come with me. Got to order new Sandylion (ADORABLE) and Lil' Davis, got to see some new products I hadn't seen before. It was like a mini-trade show! Makes me sooo anxious for October - Memory Trends in Vegas baby! By FAR my favorite show of the year.

I had an AWFUL night last night and I am way paying for it today. Went to bed at midnight, tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. Kept waking up with the WORST stomach cramps... got a total of maybe 4 hours of sleep. On the way home from Long Beach I was sooooo sleepy and had an AWFUL headache to boot. Did make it home in one piece with minimal traffic. Had to sleep for like 2 hours and now feel soooo much better.

Working tomorrow. BIL and SIL and niece & nephew are planning to come out from Florida at the end of the month and we are SO excited! Curtis just wants to hang out and I can't wait to meet the lil' one for the first time! I get to babysit her!!

Ok... off to eat... see ya!

Tattoo Pictures

Welp, here they are! The story goes like this. I got a tattoo on my ankle when I turned 18. It was cute, but not as elaborate as I wanted. Much later in life I covered it up with a realistic Lotus/Water Lily. Loved it. Felt like it needed something else on the inside... a cuff so to speak. Finally got it done. Now I need to go back and have the original freshened up to match the intensity of this one! YEAH! Here ya go... action shots! Click on them to see full size!

Am I really interesting AT ALL?

Hmmm.. I would have to say that yes, I do have some interesting qualities. Even better is the fact that my family is SO FRICKING WHITE TRASH that we could have an entire month of Jerry Springer episodes dedicated to us and it would only SCRATCH the surface. But enough about them... on to me!

Seriously though.. sorry to be lacking in postage. My gal pal and right hand man got sick and I had to work and incredibly AWFUL amount of days in a row. Topped off with a FABULOUS weekend off with no kids and just me and JASON! There was a small incident that did infact involve "bed - breakage"... but we will just move on past that.

I got my tattoo done on Monday and BOY does it look awesome! Did I mention how much it FRICKING HURTS? or... HOW HUGE MY CANKLE NOW IS? Oh yes, you read that right. I don't have an ANKLE anymore. I have a CANKLE. Looks like a cross between your calf & ankle. Swollen and fat. UGH... the heat doesn't help. Nor does walking around on it all day but what can you do??

I will be posting pictures asap... or rather... asaiptotc.. which loosely translates too.. as soon as I pull them off the camera... hehe

PEACE OUT

Ahhh.. the moon hath risen....

It's a full moon tonight and BOY do I feel it! I purged at the store today, throwing away racks and fixtures I wasn't using, clearing out room for new stuff, cleaning up my table area... etc. That felt good. Put some stuff on clearance, lowered some prices on other things... yanno.. basic blah blah.

I need to do the same here at home now.

We are waiting to hear when grandma's service will be. Man, almost 2 weeks now since she passed. Sadly, I didn't visit her as much as I should have in the past few years. Life happens and I let it be an excuse. I was just SO glad that I was able to visit and talk to her before she passed and to actually be there as she left us. She hadn't been the same person for several years but she was still grandma, even up to the end. Apparently she looked at Grandpa and Uncle Ricky and said - Oh gawd... - like... PULEEZE go away.. hehe... cracks me up to think about it. I am making the guest book for the service and found some real-pressed Pansies to use. Very excited about that.

May possibly be traveling to the East coast to help a friend move. Hopefully we will find out for sure in the next week or so.

So much I want to do right now... go to the beach with the kids, go swimming at MIL's, get a TAN, get a FACIAL, get my mustache REMOVED, get my HAIR non-3 toned.... oh well.. what's a girl to do? SCRAPBOOK.. hehe

Today is a sad day....

~*~Pansy Foreman~*~

This morning at around 3:15 am my grandma left us. She was surrounded by family, she was not in pain, her body just slowly shut down until she was finally gone. She is the last of the most influential women in my life to go. My mother passed 10 years ago, my paternal grandma passed last year and now she is gone too. I was very fortunate to be there with her. Both my brother and I were there, he holding her hand, I rubbing her shoulders and back, trying to keep her warm. I will miss her dearly, but I know she is with my mom now, her baby. No longer will she have to deal with the dementia that has plagued her for the past 11-12 years, no longer will she have to live with pain and confusion. No longer will she need to listen to those around her bitch and moan about this and that. She was the best grandma she could be. She was loving and funny. Sweet and sassy. She was the one that I knew would hurt me the most to lose. I will miss the spunky humour and witty one liners she used to pull. I will miss her cursing out my grandpa or my dad. I will miss the way if felt when she gave big hugs. I will miss how she used to scare us kids when she pulled out her teeth. I love you grandma... know that you were special and loved and WILL NOT be forgotten. Have a peaceful journey and say hello to mom for me. i love you

TAGGED!!!

Yep.. I have been tagged and of course I will play!! Thanks to my friend for the tag.. now on with the show!

Ten Things I Hate...

1. People who act as though their patronage alone keeps your world afloat. Working customer service since... FOREVER.... I have seen it all. Especially working at the casino for tips. I totally appreciated every cent I received... but PLEASE don't give me attitude if I don't get to you fast enough and then bust out the "I'm paying your paycheck right now" comment.
Nowadays... please don't come in with a problem and tell me offhandedly... "I spend a lot of money here".. honestly... I KNOW your stats and most of the time, you are NOT one of my top spenders and WHY DOES THAT MATTER TO ME? Each and every customer is JUST as important as the next.. whether you spend $400 or $4. PERIOD...

2. Whiners.... I am not an empty well ready at the drop of a hat for you to unload on just so you can feel better and I end up feeling like crap! I will do my best to analize the situation, give you my take on things, offer opinions if you are asking and support you in your quest.. but DO NOT keep whining and not doing anything about it. I have never bought that phrase "Play with the hand you are dealt".... find different cards and go with it!! ps.. no whining also includes small children who are of my loins who don't want to do what they are asked and only want to whine about it.. knock that crap off and just do it. Life will be easier if you don't piss me off.

3. Haters.... I honestly don't use the word HATE in normal everyday conversation. I don't like it. Hate to me consists of having a VIOLENT reaction to something or someone.. and honestly, that is scary to me. Not that I haven't had it.. oh say a few years back.. hehe.. but I cannot STAND haters. People who make rude comments about someone because they are slightly different, race, sex, or otherwise. Can't we all just get along??

4. People who sweat the small stuff.. This is a relatively new dislike for me. I have absolutely been one to sweat and bitch about the small stuff... until I learned to utilize a VERY important phrase. LET IT GO. I understand that the dumbass in the Expansion in front of you just cut you off, but is it necessary to race up next to him and flip him off? Rev your engine and scream obscenities? Nope. I understand that there are people that may come in and annoy you from time to time.. but a sale is a sale and customer service is IMPORTANT... GET OVER IT. It means NOTHING to you.... let it go and you will feel soooo much better!

5. Disrespectful kids. The kind like the girls I ran into in Target the other night. My friends took me out and we of course hit Target afterwards. We are a bunch of clucking cackling hens when we are together, and these brats were mimicking my friends at the end of an aisle. Until I walked up behind them and mimicked THEM and said "You girls are SOOOO funny!"... and they got red and shuffled off. YES, I remember being 14 too.. but I would never have been so bold.. my friends on the other hand... whoooo weeee. I know they don't realize that they too one day will be as ANCIENT as we are but come on... don't act like a nitwit. This applies to kids and their parents too. ugh

6. Skow Walkers. Please move to the slowlane on the sidewalk so I can get by you. Thank you

7. Drug addicted parents. You shouldn't be allowed to pro-create. If you are lucky enough to have decent kids... you shouldn't sluff them off because they won't enable you. GROW UP.

8. Slow Checkout Lines... Why is it that I ALWAYS pick the lane that has a major malfunction or otherwise idiotic people?? WHY??

9. People who hit cars and then don't tell you. Someone side-swiped my perty mom van in my parking lot. I know there were a MILLION cars here that day but you COULD have left a note.

10. Friends who disrespect their other friends. Don't treat my friend like an ASSHOLE just because your life is a MESS and you are too big of a PUSSY to do anything about it. My friend ISN'T a bad mom, nor is she a bad FRIEND.. and how she put up with your attitude for as long as she did is beyond me! Just know that next time you call her.. she will ask you the TOUGH question and I bet you won't be able to turn that crap around on her again! HAHA

So there you have it.. my hate list for today.